Interview All Your Relatives
You never know where you will find that next piece of information. It could be as close as the family member sitting right beside you or it could be a distant cousin with whom you’ve never spoken. Your job is to learn as much as you can—now! Many a genealogist or family historian has lamented having waited too late to talk with parents and grandparents. However, it is never too late to make contacts with uncles and aunts, cousins, and family friends to learn as much as you can. You also may find that the “missing” family Bible isn’t really lost; it may be in the possession of another relative after all.
Genealogy is a lot like journalism. You are seeking information from a variety of sources, asking questions, gathering facts and speculation alike, researching your sources, evaluating what you find, and producing hypotheses. If you do your job
in a scholarly manner, you may be rewarded with factual proof as well as a better understanding of your family’s story.
A good researcher learns how to ask questions, both of himself or herself and of others. Good interviewing skills are an essential part of your research, and it takes time to become an expert. There is an art to successfully conducting an interview
with another family member but, with a little advance preparation and organization, you can become a pro in no time.
An interview need not be an “interrogation” so much as a friendly discussion. You will ask open-ended questions that require more elaboration than just a “yes” or “no” response. You want to get your relative to share knowledge and experiences
in a friendly, non-threatening environment. A two-way conversation can be a mutually satisfying experience, blazing a trail for a stronger relationship—and more information—in the future.
Examples of some open-ended questions might include:
• Where and when were you born?
• What was it like growing up during the Great Depression?
• What did you do on your first date?
• What kind of trips did you take when you were younger, and which was your favourite?
• What can you tell me about your aunts and uncles?
It is important to realize that there may be sensitive issues in the family that people are uncomfortable about and prefer not to discuss. Scandals, shame, secrets, lies, embarrassment, humiliation, and disgrace are all reasons for reluctance or
refusal to discuss a person, place, time, or event. The two most powerful emotions are perhaps pride and the desire to protect the family reputation. Let me give you four examples involving refusals of family members to talk about the past:
• Both of my grandmothers were concerned that no one be aware of their ages. One refused to tell anyone the year of her birth and left instructions in her will that only her date of death be inscribed on her gravestone. The other shaved years
from her age at each census until, in 1930, she had “lost” 16 years.
• A woman of Native American descent refused to discuss her parents. She was ashamed that she was an Indian and had inherited from her mother the desire to mask her origin.
• One woman was shocked to learn that the woman she thought was her older sister was, in fact, her mother and that she had been born out of wedlock. When asked about this by the family genealogist, she not only refused to discuss the
matter but also made the genealogist swear never to repeat the scandalous information to anyone else in the family. She wanted to protect her own children and other family members from the scandal of illegitimacy
Imagine the surprise of the genealogist who discovered that her grandmother had made the family fortune in a most unusual way. Granny always said she didn’t want to talk about her husband, and that he was a worthless man who left her before her daughter was born. The genealogist located Granny in the census ago listed as a boarder in the home of two sisters, Minna and Ada Everleigh. Further research revealed that the Everleigh sisters were the proprietors of one of the most famous bordellos in Chicago and that Granny had been an “employee” there.
As you can see, there may be many reasons why family members are reluctant to discuss the past and other family members. However, don’t leap to any conclusions. Some people are just not the talkative type.
Consider Several Types of Interview
Most people think of an interview as a face-to-face encounter between two or more individuals. An interview, however, can take one of several forms. In fact, some of the best interviews I’ve ever conducted with relatives have been done by telephone, and in multiple sessions. Consider the following types of interviews as possibilities for obtaining information from your family members:
• Face-to-face interview This technique involves setting a time and place that is convenient to everyone involved.
• Family gatherings A family reunion, a holiday dinner, a graduation, a wedding or funeral, or just a simple visit with other relatives can stimulate informal conversations from which stories and important family details can be learned.
• Telephone conversations The telephone can be used to schedule and conduct either a casual or a more formal, in-depth interview. Use a “phone visit” as an occasion to ask one or two questions at a time. By establishing ongoing telephone communications with a relative, you not only build and strengthen the relationship between you and the relative, but also can continue asking questions about details over time as you proceed with your research.
• Written questionnaires Use postal mail or email to gather family information. Some researchers prepare open-ended questions in document form and send these to relatives. Beware of sending a lengthy questionnaire, though. Few people
are willing to spend a lot of time responding to dozens of questions. A few shorter sets of questions posed over an extended period of time often yield a better response rate. If you choose to use postal mail for your survey, be sure to enclose
a self-addressed, stamped envelope (SASE) to encourage replies.
• Requests for corrections Two effective tools used by genealogists to gather information are the family tree chart, commonly referred to as a pedigree chart, and the family group sheet. However, these are the documents that genealogists prepare to organize their family data and present it in report format. You may choose to send a copy of the documents to relatives, along with a SASE. Request that they add to and/or make corrections to the information you have compiled. Be sure to ask for photocopies of any documents they may have that corroborate the facts they provide, and always offer to reimburse them for the cost of their copying, postage, and mileage. Be sure to follow up by sending them a thank you note and an updated copy of the forms.
When preparing your list of questions, leave plenty of space in between them for responses. You will appreciate this when you are conducting an oral interview, and it encourages mail and email respondents to fill in the blank space with their
commentary.
You may be surprised at the information gleaned during the oral interview process. I’ve located family Bibles, marriage certificates, deeds, letters, journals, and a host of other documents this way. Most important, however, has been the wealth of stories I’ve heard. These tales help bring the family members and their experiences to life. A first cousin related to me a story that her mother told her about two of our retired great-aunts and a train trip they made to Savannah, Georgia, to buy fresh crabs. They made the trip by day, purchased a bucket of live crabs, and then returned to the train station to take a sleeper train back home, booking an upper and a lower berth. During the night, one aunt awoke to use the bathroom. When she returned to her berth, she decided to reach up and pinch her sister’s behind. Her sister burst from her berth yelling, “Good heavens! The crabs are loose!” Other passengers were awakened by the racket and peered out of their berths, only to see a woman race to the end of the train car and pull the emergency brake to stop the train. Not only is this a hilarious story, but it also provides some insight for me into the relationship of the two sisters and one’s love of practical jokes.
Schedule Interviews for Best Results
It is important to respect your relative’s time. It is inconsiderate and rude to show up unannounced to ask a lot of questions for which your relative is unprepared, especially if he or she has another commitment. Your best course of action, regardless
of whether you would like to conduct a face-to-face or telephone interview, is to make contact in advance and schedule a mutually convenient time for your encounter. Be prepared for the question, “Well, what is it you want to know?” Before you even make the appointment, you should have decided what information you hope to learn and the questions you want to use to elicit the information.
By knowing the areas about which you want to know and letting the family member know in advance, he or she can mentally prepare for your visit or telephone call. The person also might like to gather together photographs, Bibles, papers, and
other items to share with you. By contacting an elderly first cousin in advance and telling her I was interested in her parents and grandparents, I was rewarded with an opportunity to see my great-grandparents’ Bible, letters they had written during their courtship, and pieces of heirloom furniture I had not known existed. If you would like to record the interview, be sure to ask permission in advance.
Remember that recording devices can be intimidating and distracting, and can make your subject self-conscious and nervous. If you detect any reluctance on the part of your subject, either in advance or at the time of the interview, don’t record. Be prepared instead to take notes of the conversation.
Ask the Right Questions
Know something about the person you plan to interview before you make the appointment and before you arrive or call to conduct the interview. The last thing you want to do is waste anyone’s time, and you want to make the most of the time you have together. That means understanding the person’s place in the family structure, where they were geographically located, what other family members he or she would likely have known, and what materials might have come into their possession.
Your primary goal should be to learn about the people and their lives. If there are materials that might document their life events, it is a bonus to be able to see them. It is most important, however, to learn about the people and their lives so that you can place them into geographical, historical, and sociological context. This will help you anticipate what records might exist to document their lives, where they were created, and where they may be found today.
Your family’s origins and background certainly will determine the questions that you will ask. There are many, many places on the Internet where suggested lists of interview questions have been published. The following are a few links I think you will enjoy:
• “Interview Questions” by Juliana Smith – www.ancestry.com/library/view/news/articles/3425.asp
• “Asking the Right Question” by George G. Morgan – www.ancestry.com/library/view/columns/george/7041.asp
• “Sparking Family Memories” by Juliana Smith – www.ancestry.com/library/view/columns/compass/2935.asp
• “Interviewing Grandma” by Michael John Neill – www.ancestry.com/library/view/news/articles/7206.asp
• “Interview Absolutely Everyone!” by George G. Morgan – www.ancestry.com/columns/george/04-03-98.htm
Use the Right Equipment for Your Interviews
You should be properly prepared to capture the information you are about to receive.
Here are some basic pieces of equipment you will want to take with you to the interview:
• Paper and pencils or pens
• Audio/voice recorder or video recorder
• Conventional or digital camera
• Extra film
• Extra batteries
If you obtained permission in advance to record the interview, you will want to have checked the operation of the recorder in advance. The smaller the recording device, the less intrusive it will be. Be sure you know how to use it and that it is in
good working condition before you leave home. When you arrive for the interview, ask again if it is okay to record. If not, move the equipment out of the interview area so that it is not a distraction. If your relative agrees to recording, though, you will be prepared to quickly and efficiently set up the equipment. Perform a sound check on the recording volume before you start, and place the microphone closer to your subject than to yourself. You want a clear recording of the responses and, even though you may not be able to hear all your questions and comments, you should be able to easily relate your subject’s responses to your original questions.
Take one or two family items with you to help encourage conversation. I often use an old family photograph as a prop. I ask questions such as “Can you tell me where and when this picture was taken, and can you help me identify all the people in it?”
This single question may be the icebreaker you need and the catalyst to open the floodgates of recollection. It literally can be worth the proverbial thousand words. If you own or can borrow a laptop computer and a portable scanner, consider
taking them with you as well. Family members may have Bibles, documents, photographs, and other items that can be copied on site. You will find that most of your relatives, regardless of how close they feel to you, are reluctant to let the family treasures out of their possession for any period of time. Some items can be photographed clearly enough using a digital camera to provide a clear and legible image. However, a scanner always provides the best quality image for your records.
Set the Tone of the Interview
It is important in a face-to-face interview especially, but also in a telephone interview, to establish a comfort level for your relative and for yourself. Make sure that there is plenty of time available and that it is a pleasant environment. Interruptions should be kept to a minimum if possible. A third person sitting in on an interview can be a distraction and may prevent the person you are interviewing from opening up to you.
Your interviewee may feel uncomfortable or reluctant to discuss people, events, and personal topics with another person present.
Start the interview with a few minutes of lighthearted conversation to set the tone of your time together. Share something with your relative about your life, news of the family, or some other item that might be of mutual interest. It helps break the ice and
make your subject feel more at ease. When you begin the actual interview, however, make a tangible transition to that part of the session. In a face-to-face interview, you can do this by straightening yourself in your chair, opening your notebook, setting up a voice recorder (if your subject has already agreed to being recorded), or some other visible transition. If conducting a telephone interview, make the shift with a comment such as, “Well, I don’t want to take up a lot of your time, so why don’t we get started?”
Use your common sense and tact about what is the right method of transitioning with each relative.
Think of yourself as a friendly, non-threatening journalist. Ask open-ended questions that require a response. “Where were you born and when?” is a good starter. You want to learn names, places, and dates, but you also want to know about the
people in your relative’s life: parents, brothers, sisters, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, nephews, nieces, friends, teachers, ministers, librarians, and anyone else who may have influenced his or her family and life.
There may be topics that are sensitive and uncomfortable to discuss. Don’t press the issue. Move on to the next question. The answer to the question may come up in another way, at another time, and perhaps from another relative but, for the present, let the subject drop. Being pushy and insistent can raise barriers between you and your relative that may interfere with the remainder of the interview and with the relationship between you as well.
Keep the interview short, no longer than one or two hours. Be alert to signs of fatigue. If you notice that your subject is beginning to tire, especially older relatives, be considerate and suggest that you continue later. A break may be sufficient but
scheduling another session may be a better option. In the interim, both you and your relative will have time to digest what you have already discussed. You may revise your list of questions as a result, and your relative will have time to regroup and perhaps locate photographs and other materials he or she feels will be of interest to you.
Don’t Forget the “Thank You”
After the interview, be sure to thank your relative for the time together and for sharing so much wonderful family history with you. Make another appointment, if appropriate, to meet again and talk. After you return home, consider sending a thank
you note expressing your appreciation. Building these personal relationships in small ways like this is important. The connections you make are personally gratifying for both of you, and you never know what genealogical dividends they will pay in the future.
